101 Uses for Dirty Diapers

As the father of a toddler, I am an expert on dirty diapers. I know exactly what to do with them: throw them out!

But along comes a New York waste company and a town in California who want me to do something else with my dirty diapers. Like cover my roof with them. Or walk on them. Or build a doghouse with them, perhaps.

Does this sound nuts? Well, it's not. In fact, this project won the world's top happiness award: the 2003 Happy Guy Award (www.The HappyGuy.com).

If you have never had children, you may not realize how much a little child can dispose of.  In olden days, a couple would have a dozen kids, give or take a few. In these modern times of disposable diapers that just is not possible – the diapers from the first child take up more place on this planet than several dozen siblings would.

So along comes the town of Santa Clarita and Knowaste Inc. proposing to recycle dirty diapers. They've figured out how to extract the plastics from the diapers in a way that actually reclaims over 90% of the source material. Sure, you think, just mix them all together, throw in a bit of water, steam them clean and slap them back on baby. Ironically, the only product that does not seem to be on the list of end uses is diapers. Roofing shingles, sure. Shoe insoles, yes. But not diapers. As I pondered how the world might look if the massive force of dirty diapers was unleashed, it became clear that there could be several big markets. Imagine the pitches...

From Milan and Paris:  "Next we have Oo-La-La Picotte strutting her stuff in a lovely ensemble of pure recycled diapers.  Notice the fashionable fuchsia on the upper tilt of the collar. This line will be all the rage in parlors and bars this spring."

From Detroit and Tokyo:  "Feel the energy and invigoration. That's the power of 100% pure recycled diapers under the hood.  Go ahead.  Kick the tires.  Pick your color.  And drive away safe in the knowledge that you are being protected by 2000 pound of pure recycled baby poop!"

From Los Angeles: "It's a smash hit. Dirty Diapers II: The Recycled Story opened in theatres across the country yesterday and immediately claimed the number one spot. What a movie!"

From New York and Toronto: "This just in.  Citizens are being asked NOT to hoard dirty diapers. I repeat, do NOT hoard dirty diapers. The shortage has already slowed the economy by three percent and housing starts have ground to a halt. Please take all your dirty diapers immediately to a drop-off depot.  This has been a public service announcement."

So what will YOU be doing with your dirty diapers?

5 Steps to a Balanced Monday Morning

It’s Monday morning (again).  You glance at the kitchen clock and gulp down a cup of coffee while attempting to put on your clothes at the same time and realize that you only have 5 minutes to get your 5 year old dressed and ready for school, not to mention you still need to pack her lunch.  Not soon enough do you remember that you were warned the previous Thursday by your easy-going boss (not!) for being late the third day in a row.

Sound all-too familiar?  Hey, no one said being a working mom would be easy, but here are 5 steps to help you achieve that delicate Monday morning balance:

First and foremost, be prepared.  If need be, pack your child’s lunch the night before.  Give your child a bath the night before as well. Do your washing and ironing on the weekend so that all clothes are hung and ready to go; prepare at least 5 outfits for each member of the family over the weekend and have your partner and/or older children assist you in the process.

Set your alarm clock 10-15 minutes earlier to allow yourself more time in the morning.  If need be, go to bed 10-15 minutes earlier to make up for the time difference. Wake up before your kids to shower and dress.

Keep breakfast simple and healthy.  If you feel that you just don’t have the time for breakfast, try keeping bananas (and other easy to eat fruit) and vitamin fortified cereal bars handy and ready to grab and go.

Set a routine for you and your family and stick with it.  Our bodies crave routine and that’s a fact.  Go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning.  Sticking with a schedule will make it easier to effectively manage that Monday morning balancing act.

Divide your morning into phases.  For example, phase 1:  Eat Breakfast, phase 2:  Get Dressed, etc.  Set the phases in 15-30 minute time increments (phasing increments can vary, depending on the overall time you give yourself).  Attempting to accomplish everything at once will only lead to chaos and confusion.  Help your family stay within the proper phase and ask them to also pitch in and help.  Encourage your family to stick to the morning phases to keep things running smoothly.

The key to achieving any balance, especially that Monday morning balance, is being prepared.  Try a more organized approach to your Monday mornings and you will find that they turn out to be a lot smoother and less stressful for everyone.